I’m back and looking for answers…

My name is Eve, I’m 20 (soon to be 21) and I thought my journey with my mental health was over… Well here I am again. In my own perfect little flat, my therapy has finished and I’m still on Citalopram. I am doing really well, I’m so much braver and stronger and capable of things I never thought imaginable. So why am I still low? Why am I still stuck in a rut?

How am I supposed to find a job they love that pays well when you’re stressed at work and need the money to pay for your lifestyle. I would do anything to cope in work, the people and organisation I work for are amazing. I’ve always wanted to work for the nhs, and as much as I enjoy helping the people in the community and working for such a needed and forgotten trust, the pressure and stress is continuing to make me ill. I hit stage 4 – grounds for dismissal and as I continue to get ill, I’m closer to losing my job completely. I need a career change, a full fresh new start, and I’m scared. I don’t feel I have the right qualifications or experience to start in the career I want, but I also worry if I go back into education, ill lose my flat and ill be right where I was when I started university. (and left after a term)

 I know I want to help people; it makes me feel fulfilled and I feel joy seeing other people happy. If I could help just one person, it would change my life. I am empowered and I’m a powerful young woman with a very powerful voice and choice of words. I love my own space, yoga and spirituality has helped me find a way out of the very dark place I’ve previously settled in. I believe the way I wright, resonates with all people. Its honest, its exactly what thoughts come out of my head, its my normal. I’m hoping it can help someone else find their normal to. So, I’m going to continue to write, helping people in the easiest way I can,  to flow through my ups and downs and fingers crossed, the career will come along the way.

Rock me to sleep (Poem)

Wake up. Step through the door.

Back to that time.

Energy draining. Anxiety building.

The door locks. Numb.

Swallowed up in complete darkness. Where is my light?

Find the light before it gets too much…

Night terrors wake me.

Screaming!

Rock me to sleep.

My Light. My Freedom. My Safety.

My Mum.

Prepare to repeat.

Until the next time,

Foxy🦊

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